It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
