I'm drive I can fine osifer
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
