My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
