It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize