dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize