Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
