Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
