Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
barbara walters just said penis...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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