I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
