So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
