I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
