I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
