I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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