I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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