did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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