Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
