Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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