I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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