Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
