Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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