Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he's gonorrhea incarnate
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You left your phone here
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