Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
