so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
