TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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