I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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