So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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