I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sobbing to NWA
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
