Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
did i just pee glitter
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
