the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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