one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he fucked my hip out of place.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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