Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
