i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
