Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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