So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
