Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
