A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
