We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
