i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
