You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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