It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Pants are for mortals
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
