As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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