Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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