with your own penis?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
