First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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