hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
