I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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