I met the friendliest cop last night
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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