why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
