so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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