What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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