it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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