I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
