We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
