WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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