am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
