1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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