I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
