I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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