Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
kristin has been a bad kristin
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
