i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
