Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
