woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
