haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
honey bunches of taint.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
