he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My feet surprised me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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