I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have aggressive nipples.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
