when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
