Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
